The Washington Post's Mensa Invitational once again invited

readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding,

subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition:

Here are the winners:

1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders

the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.

2. Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an asshole.

3. Intaxicaton: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts

until you realize it was your money to start with.

4. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

5. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that

stops bright ideas from penetrating.

The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down

in the near future.

6. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself

for the purpose of getting laid

7. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

8. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic

wit and the person who doesn't get it.

9. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

10. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)

11. Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending

off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the

Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.

12. Decafalon (n): The grueling event of getting through the day

consuming only things that are good for you.

13. Glibido: All talk and no action.

14. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter

when they come at you rapidly.

15. Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after

you've accidentally walked through a spider web.

16. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into

your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

17. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding

half a worm in the fruit you're eating.

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The Washington Post has also published the winning

submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers are

asked to supply alternate meanings for common words:

And the winners are:

1. Coffee, n. The person upon whom one coughs.

2. Flabbergasted, adj. Appalled by discovering

how much weight one has gained.

3. Abdicate, v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

4. Esplanade, v. To attempt an explanation while drunk.

5. Willy-nilly, adj. Impotent.

6. Negligent, adj. Absent mindedly answering the door

when wearing only a nightgown.

7. Lymph, v. To walk with a lisp.

8. Gargoyle, n. Olive-flavored mouthwash.

9. Flatulence, n.   Emergency vehicle that picks up someone

who has been run over by a steamroller.

10. Balderdash, n. A rapidly receding hairline.

11. Testicle, n. A humorous question on an exam.

12. Rectitude, n. The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.

13. Pokemon, n. A Rastafarian proctologist.

14. Oyster, n. A person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.

15. Frisbeetarianism, n. The belief that, after death, the soul

flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.

16. Circumvent, n. An opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.

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