Trustworthiness. Respect. Responsibility. Fairness. Caring. Citizenship. The Six Pillars of Character are ethical values to guide our choices. The standards of conduct that arise out of those values constitute the ground rules of ethics, and therefore of ethical decision-making.

There is nothing sacrosanct about the number six. We might reasonably have eight or 10, or more. But most universal virtues fold easily into these six. The number is not unwieldy and the Six Pillars of Character can provide a common lexicon. Why is a common lexicon necessary? So that people can see what unites our diverse and fractured society. So we can communicate more easily about core values. So we can understand ethical decisions better, our own and those of others.

The Six Pillars act as a multi-level filter through which to process decisions. So, being trustworthy is not enough we must also be caring. Adhering to the letter of the law is not enough we must accept responsibility for our action or inaction.

The Pillars can help us detect situations where we focus so hard on upholding one moral principle that we sacrifice another where, intent on holding others accountable, we ignore the duty to be compassionate; where, intent on getting a job done, we ignore how.

In short, the Six Pillars can dramatically improve the ethical quality of our decisions, and thus our character and lives.

1. TRUSTWORTHINESS

When others trust us, they give us greater leeway because they feel we don't need monitoring to assure that we'll meet our obligations. They believe in us and hold us in higher esteem. That's satisfying. At the same time, we must constantly live up to the expectations of others and refrain from even small lies or self-serving behavior that can quickly destroy our relationships.

Simply refraining from deception is not enough. Trustworthiness is the most complicated of the six core ethical values and concerns a variety of qualities like honesty, integrity, reliability and loyalty.

Honesty

There is no more fundamental ethical value than honesty. We associate honesty with people of honor, and we admire and rely on those who are honest. But honesty is a broader concept than many may realize. It involves both communications and conduct.

Honesty in communications is expressing the truth as best we know it and not conveying it in a way likely to mislead or deceive. There are three dimensions:

Truthfulness. Truthfulness is presenting the facts to the best of our knowledge. Intent is the crucial distinction between truthfulness and truth itself. Being wrong is not the same thing as lying, although honest mistakes can still damage trust insofar as they may show sloppy judgment.

Sincerity. Sincerity is genuineness, being without trickery or duplicity. It precludes all acts, including half-truths, out-of-context statements, and even silence, that are intended to create beliefs or leave impressions that are untrue or misleading.

Candor. In relationships involving legitimate expectations of trust, honesty may also require candor, forthrightness and frankness, imposing the obligation to volunteer information that another person needs to know.

Honesty in conduct is playing by the rules, without stealing, cheating, fraud, subterfuge and other trickery. Cheating is a particularly foul form of dishonesty because one not only seeks to deceive but to take advantage of those who are not cheating. It's a two-fer: a violation of both trust and fairness.

Not all lies are unethical, even though all lies are dishonest. Huh? That's right, honesty is not an inviolate principle. Occasionally, dishonesty is ethically justifiable, as when the police lie in undercover operations or when one lies to criminals or terrorists to save lives. But don't kid yourself: occasions for ethically sanctioned lying are rare and require serving a very high purpose indeed, such as saving a life not hitting a management-pleasing sales target or winning a game or avoiding a confrontation.

Integrity

The word integrity comes from the same Latin root as "integer," or whole number. Like a whole number, a person of integrity is undivided and complete. This means that the ethical person acts according to her beliefs, not according to expediency. She is also consistent. There is no difference in the way she makes decisions from situation to situation, her principles don't vary at work or at home, in public or alone.

Because she must know who she is and what she values, the person of integrity takes time for self-reflection, so that the events, crises and seeming necessities of the day do not determine the course of her moral life. She stays in control. She may be courteous, even charming, but she is never duplicitous. She never demeans herself with obsequious behavior toward those she thinks might do her some good. She is trusted because you know who she is: what you see is what you get.

People without integrity are called "hypocrites" or "two-faced."

Reliability (Promise-Keeping)

When we make promises or other commitments that create a legitimate basis for another person to rely upon us, we undertake special moral duties. We accept the responsibility of making all reasonable efforts to fulfill our commitments. Because promise-keeping is such an important aspect of trustworthiness, it is important to:

Avoid bad-faith excuses. Interpret your promises fairly and honestly. Don't try to rationalize noncompliance.

Avoid unwise commitments. Before making a promise consider carefully whether you are willing and likely to keep it. Think about unknown or future events that could make it difficult, undesirable or impossible. Sometimes, all we can promise is to do our best."

Avoid unclear commitments. Be sure that, when you make a promise, the other person understands what you are committing to do.

Loyalty

Some relationships husband-wife, employer-employee, citizen-country create an expectation of allegiance, fidelity and devotion. Loyalty is a responsibility to promote the interests of certain people, organizations or affiliations. This duty goes beyond the normal obligation we all share to care for others.

Limitations to loyalty. Loyalty is a tricky thing. Friends, employers, co-workers and others may demand that we rank their interests above ethical considerations. But no one has the right to ask another to sacrifice ethical principles in the name of a special relationship. Indeed, one forfeits a claim of loyalty when he or she asks so high a price for maintaining the relationship.

Prioritizing loyalties. So many individuals and groups make loyalty claims on us that we must rank our loyalty obligations in some rational fashion. For example, it's perfectly reasonable, and ethical, to look out for the interests of our children, parents and spouses even if we have to subordinate our obligations to other children, neighbors or co-workers in doing so.

Safeguarding confidential information. Loyalty requires us to keep some information confidential. When keeping a secret breaks the law or threatens others, however, we may have a responsibility to "blow the whistle."

Avoiding conflicting interests. Employees and public servants have a duty to make all professional decisions on merit, unimpeded by conflicting personal interests. They owe ultimate loyalty to the public.

2. RESPECT

People are not things, and everyone has a right to be treated with dignity. We certainly have no ethical duty to hold all people in high esteem, but we should treat everyone with respect, regardless of who they are and what they have done. We have a responsibility to be the best we can be in all situations, even when dealing with unpleasant people.

The Golden Rule, do unto others as you would have them do unto you nicely illustrates the Pillar of respect. Respect prohibits violence, humiliation, manipulation and exploitation. It reflects notions such as civility, courtesy, decency, dignity, autonomy, tolerance and acceptance.

Civility, Courtesy and Decency

A respectful person is an attentive listener, although his patience with the boorish need not be endless (respect works both ways). Nevertheless, the respectful person treats others with consideration, and doesn't resort to intimidation, coercion or violence except in extraordinary and limited situations to defend others, teach discipline, maintain order or achieve social justice. Punishment is used in moderation and only to advance important social goals and purposes.

Dignity and Autonomy

People need to make informed decisions about their own lives. Don't withhold the information they need to do so. Allow all individuals, including maturing children, to have a say in the decisions that affect them.

Tolerance and Acceptance

Accept individual differences and beliefs without prejudice. Judge others only on their character, abilities and conduct.

3. RESPONSIBILITY

Life is full of choices. Being responsible means being in charge of our choices and, thus, our lives. It means being accountable for what we do and who we are. It also means recognizing that our actions matter and we are morally on the hook for the consequences. Our capacity to reason and our freedom to choose make us morally autonomous and, therefore, answerable for whether we honor or degrade the ethical principles that give life meaning and purpose.

Ethical people show responsibility by being accountable, pursuing excellence and exercising self-restraint. They exhibit the ability to respond to expectations.

Accountability

An accountable person is not a victim and doesn't shift blame or claim credit for the work of others. He considers the likely consequences of his behavior and associations. He recognizes the common complicity in the triumph of evil when nothing is done to stop it. He leads by example.

Pursuit of Excellence

The pursuit of excellence has an ethical dimension when others rely upon our knowledge, ability or willingness to perform tasks safely and effectively.

Diligence. It is hardly unethical to make mistakes or to be less than "excellent," but there is a moral obligation to do ones best, to be diligent, reliable, careful, prepared and informed.

Perseverance. Responsible people finish what they start, overcoming rather than surrendering to obstacles. They avoid excuses such as, "That's just the way I am," or "It's not my job," or "It was legal."

Continuous Improvement. Responsible people always look for ways to do their work better.

Self-Restraint

Responsible people exercise self-control, restraining passions and appetites (such as lust, hatred, gluttony, greed and fear) for the sake of longer-term vision and better judgment. They delay gratification if necessary and never feel it's necessary to "win at any cost." They realize they are as they choose to be, every day.

4. FAIRNESS

What is fairness? Most would agree it involves issues of equality, impartiality, proportionality, openness and due process. Most would agree that it is unfair to handle similar matters inconsistently. Most would agree that it is unfair to impose punishment that is not commensurate with the offense. The basic concept seems simple, even intuitive, yet applying it in daily life can be surprisingly difficult. Fairness is another tricky concept, probably more subject to legitimate debate and interpretation than any other ethical value. Disagreeing parties tend to maintain that there is only one fair position (their own, naturally). But essentially fairness implies adherence to a balanced standard of justice without relevance to one's own feelings or inclinations.

Process

Process is crucial in settling disputes, both to reach the fairest results and to minimize complaints. A fair person scrupulously employs open and impartial processes for gathering and evaluating information necessary to make decisions. Fair people do not wait for the truth to come to them; they seek out relevant information and conflicting perspectives before making important judgments.

Impartiality

Decisions should be made without favoritism or prejudice.

Equity

An individual, company or society should correct mistakes, promptly and voluntarily. It is improper to take advantage of the weakness or ignorance of others.

5. CARING

If you existed alone in the universe, there would be no need for ethics and your heart could be a cold, hard stone. Caring is the heart of ethics, and ethical decision-making. It is scarcely possible to be truly ethical and yet unconcerned with the welfare of others. That is because ethics is ultimately about good relations with other people.

It is easier to love "humanity" than to love people. People who consider themselves ethical and yet lack a caring attitude toward individuals tend to treat others as instruments of their will. They rarely feel an obligation to be honest, loyal, fair or respectful except insofar as it is prudent for them to do so, a disposition which itself hints at duplicity and a lack of integrity. A person who really cares feels an emotional response to both the pain and pleasure of others.

Of course, sometimes we must hurt those we truly care for, and some decisions, while quite ethical, do cause pain. But one should consciously cause no more harm than is reasonably necessary to perform ones duties.

The highest form of caring is the honest expression of benevolence, or altruism. This is not to be confused with strategic charity. Gifts to charities to advance personal interests are a fraud. That is, they aren't gifts at all. They're investments or tax write-offs.

6. CITIZENSHIP

Citizenship includes civic virtues and duties that prescribe how we ought to behave as part of a community. The good citizen knows the laws and obeys them, yes, but that is not all. She volunteers and stays informed on the issues of the day, the better to execute her duties and privileges as a member of a self-governing democratic society. She does more than her "fair" share to make society work, now and for future generations. Such a commitment to the public sphere can have many expressions, such as conserving resources, recycling, using public transportation and cleaning up litter. The good citizen gives more than she takes.

Purchase Making Ethical Decisions booklet

 

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By Ellen Broadhurst

------------------

I am an Efficiency Machine.

The $700 Pony needs to go to the vet.

The dog also needs to go to the vet.

The only time vet can see both is at the day and time
usually set aside for my son's playgroup.

So, I scheduled my ever patient Mom to come down to watch
both children and scheduled playgroup to be at my house
while I take said Pony and dog to the vet at the same time.

Brilliant.

And now, with the help that happy bastard, Hindsight,
let's revisit the above thinking.

The $700 Pony needs to go to the vet so she can have shots
and draw blood for Coggin's so she can move to
The Fancy Schmancy facility (with indoor)
that has agreed to take her scruffy green self for a sum equal per month to
more than my layer hens and I make in a year (yeah, employed husband!).

Pony will probably load on trailer
because she loaded on trailer when I bought her.

I have conveniently blocked out that it actually took four husky men
to hustle her onto the trailer, but despite my startling efficiency,
I have been know to overlook a detail now and again.

I had planned to load her a few times preemptively, but the best laid plans of
mice and men are often foreshortened by warfarin. Or something like that.

The dog needs to go to vet for annual rabies shot immediately
in order to meet our annual dog registration date.

We live in a town that would make John Mellencamp feel like a big city boy.

If you register a dog in 2004 and fail to register it in 2005,
at some point when our local Officers of the Law are not too busy
(re: Monday through Sunday), they will stop by to see if said dog
has expired or if you are in violation of the Local Dog Registration Ordinance.

The officers are great guys, and despite my illicit cell phone habits,
I make a fairly concerted effort to stay on their side of the law.

The dog is an unfortunate psycho mutt who has reached the unhappy age of 7
without gaining any of the emotional maturity one expects of a dog of 7.

She was begging for a lobotomy and heaven help me
should I ever get in range with a nail gun.

My son and playgroup a are a delightful, frolicking group of 2 year olds.
They are such a hoot!

For those of you not well acquainted with human offspring, think "weanlings."
Joyful, gamboling, boisterous, and nearly impossible to contain.

I am a moron.

First, for animal welfare concern reasons that involve the falling down ruin
of a barn the Pony was currently housed in, not to mention the lack of fencing,
running water or other 20th century luxuries my good vet was probably used to
seeing on her farm calls, I was hauling the $700 Pony to the vet.

My trailer is a gooseneck.

This meant that Psycho Mutt was going to be riding inside the truck with me.
Merde.

Stoically, I loaded Psycho Mutt in the cab.
Unfortunately, Psycho Mutt and I do not have the best relationship.
In part because while she and I share a fondness for chickens.

I am their caretaker and nurturer, while she runs them
down and slaughters them in cold blood.

Can you see the problem?

Dogs and their relationships to people, I would like to point out,
exist on an interesting continuum.

They range basically from "Dog as Surrogate Child" to "Dog as Farm Implement."
Can you guess on which end of the spectrum Psycho Mutt resides?

I'll give you a hint; hey if my haybine suddenly went berserk
and started killing chickens, I'd be in the market for a new haybine,
let me tell you! Ah, well, Psycho Mutt and my husband were a package deal.

Enough said on that topic.

So, I was not excited about having her ride in the cab with me.

And unfortunately, she was so excited about going for a ride in the truck
(despite the fact that the only place she ever goes is to the Vet -
more than one can short of a six pack, this one)
that I was a little concerned that the adrenaline rush
was going to blow her puny brain right out through her ears.

Instead, she limited herself to flinging herself around the pickup cab
with supreme abandon, spraying canine saliva all over the inside of my truck.

Ew.

Second, I have not actually had time to see if the $700 Pony
will in fact get back on the trailer.

Of course, the $700 Pony does not want to get in the trailer.

Why would she?

She has no desire to leave her 150 chicken new best friends behind, right?

Third, the trailer was within site of the cavorting 2 year old playgroup.

Small human children are the most adorable little things.

At least, if you are their parents.

Probably less so if you are a $700 Pony.

So there I was with grain and lunge whip in hand slowly coaxing
the $700 Pony onto the ramp when the pack of little darlings
caught sight of the $700 Pony.

All heck broke loose.

Mommyponyponyponyponypony!" "Horsiehorsiehorsiehorsie" "Neighneighneighneigh"
and then of course my son who has the inside track
"That'smymommy'sponymommy'sponymommy'spony!"

They looked like a pack of young thoroughbreds at the track,
barely restrained by their outriders.

Until, unlike at the track, they broke free from their mommy handlers
and in a swarming mass, charged down the hill toward me
and the unfortunate $700 Pony.

Psycho Mutt, seeing the seething mass of 2 year olds,
lost her mind completely, and, I swear, tried to turn herself
inside out! And nearly succeeded!

All you could see in the cab of the truck was a frenzy of flying fur
and saliva as she flung herself again and again against the door,
hoping against hope that a miracle would occur, that she would
discover she had grown an opposable thumb
and would be able to let herself out of the cab.

I looked at the $700 Pony and she looked at me.

"Pony," I said, "Now would be a really good time to just hop right on the trailer."

She pondered this for a split second, glanced up at the converging mass of tiny humans,
glanced at the nearly inside out canine inside the cab of the truck
and hopped up into the trailer.

With bare nanoseconds to spare, I hauled up the ramp,
as what seems like several hundred pounds of frenetic human two year old,
driven down the hill by the perpetual energy supplied by an overabundance
of animal crackers and apple juice whumped into the side trailer.

So, while I am a moron, the $700 Pony is not.

Anticlimax:

Vet proclaimed the $700 Pony, in fact, a pony (14h), probably 6 years old (instead of 7), not blind (whew!) and a fine, big boned girl. Her coggins will be back tomorrow and I will quickly whisk her away from her chicken buddies and to a fancy schmancy new life.

Wish us luck!!

-----------

-----------

"It may be possible for each to think too much
of his own potential glory hereafter;
it is hardly possible for him to think
too often or too deeply about that of his neighbor.
The load, or weight, or burden of my neighbor's glory
should be laid on my back,
a load so heavy that only humility can carry it,
and the backs of the proud will be broken.

It is a serious thing to live in a society of possible gods and goddesses,
to remember that the dullest and most uninteresting person
you can talk to, may one day be a creature which,
if you saw it now, you would be strongly temped to worship,
or else a horror and a corruption such as you meet, if at all,
only in a nightmare.

All day long we are, in some degree, helping each other
to one or other of these destinations.

It is in the light of these overwhelming possibilities,
it is with the awe and circumspection proper to them,
that we should conduct all our dealings with one another,
all friendships, all loves, all play, all politics.

There are no ordinary people.
You have never talked to a mere mortal.
Nations, cultures, arts, civilizations -- these are mortal,
and their life is to ours as the life of a gnat.

But it is immortals whom we joke with,
work with, marry, snub, and exploit --
immortal horrors or everlasting splendors.
This does not mean that we are to be perpetually solemn.
We must play.
But our merriment must be of that kind
(and it is, in fact, the merriest kind)
which exists between people who have, from the outset,
taken each other seriously --
no flippancy, no superiority, no presumption.

And our charity must be a real and costly love,
with deep feeling for the sins in spite of which we love the sinner--
no mere tolerance, or indulgence which parodies love
as flippancy parodies merriment.

-------- C.S. Lewis, The Weight of Glory

(The good news in this is that God
will not stop trying to bring us home ... )

I've finally discovered that couples with horses,
Often find their dear equine the cause of divorces.
If one spouse prefers to spend time in the stable,
The other must learn that they'll never be able...

To coax them away from their hunting or riding,
By pleading or yelling, rebuking or chiding.
They can't even hope if it's raining or snowing,
That the weather or footing will keep them from going...

To hunt meets or races, to polo or shows,
And this is the chief cause of marital woes.
For they'll spend every minute fussing and caring,
For a horse that they have no intention of sharing.

They'll spend hours astride and when they get back,
The rest of their free time they'll spend cleaning tack.
They'll invite their friends over and natter all night,
Taking horses ad nauseam till the dawn's early light.

You can hope that they'll tire one day of the grind,
Of the mucking and schooling... but no, they don't mind.
Or you can give up and join them if you think you're the sort,
Who can spend all your spare time pursuing the sport.

You can cross all your fingers and hope that they'll choose,
To stop hunting in winter and go off on a cruise.
You can hope the van's engine will suddenly quit,
Or a blister will pop up about where they sit.

But if you want to stay married please have no intention,
Of saying the one thing you must never mention.
It's a question, once posed, and it's been asked quite a lot,
That's unraveled the tightest-tied marital knot.

If you want to stay coupled, please take my advice,
You'd better think hard and you'd better think twice.
Before offering the choice and by saying with force,
"Now make up your mind ... who stays ... me or the horse?"

----------

(Written by a former child)
 
A message every adult should read,
because children are watching you and doing as you do,
not as you say ...
 
When you thought I wasn't looking,
I saw you hang my first painting on the refrigerator,
and I immediately wanted to paint another one.
 
When you thought I wasn't looking,
I saw you feed a stray cat,
and I learned that it was good to be kind to animals.
 
When you thought I wasn't looking,
I saw you make my favorite cake for me
and I learned that the little things can be the special things in life.
 
When you thought I wasn't looking
I heard you say a prayer,
and I knew there is a God I could always talk to and I learned to trust in
God.
 
When you thought I wasn't looking,
I saw you make a meal and take it to a friend who was sick,
and I learned that we all have to help take care of each other.
 
When you thought I wasn't looking,
I saw you give of your time and money to help people who had nothing
and I learned that those who have something should give to those who don't.
 
When you thought I wasn't looking,
I saw you take care of our house and everyone in it
and I learned we have to take care of what we are given.
 
When you thought I wasn't looking,
I saw how you handled your responsibilities, even when you didn't feel good
and I learned that I would have to be responsible when I grow up.
 
When you thought I wasn't looking,
I saw tears come from your eyes
and I learned that sometimes things hurt, but it's all right to cry.
 
When you thought I wasn't looking,
I saw that you cared
and I wanted to be everything that I could be.
 
When you thought I wasn't looking,
I learned most of life's lessons that I need to know
to be a good and productive person when I grow up.
 
When you thought I wasn't looking,
I looked at you and wanted to say,
"Thanks for all the things I saw when you thought I wasn't looking."
 
Each of us, parent or friend,
influence the life of a child.
 
====********O********====

RECIPE FOR WHITE HOT CHOCOLATE MIX
 
http://www.fabulousfoods.com/recipes/misc/mixes/whtchoc.html
 
http://www.cookingcache.com/whitehotchocolatemix.shtml
 
White Hot Chocolate Mix
 
1 tsp. vanilla powder
1 tsp. dried orange zest or dried orange peel
1/2 cup white chocolate chips or grated white chocolate
 
Combine and blend the ingredients in a small bowl.
Store in an airtight container (jar).
You can multiply the recipe many times to make a bigger batch.
 
Here are the directions to make the hot chocolate from the mix.
Serves 2.
 
1-1/2 cups milk
1/4 cup white hot chocolate mix (from jar)
 
In a small saucepan, heat the milk until bubbles
form around the outside.
Add the white hot chocolate mix and whisk
until the chocolate is melted.
Continue to whisk until the mixture is hot.
 
........

http://www.friedbeef.com/index.php?tag=useful-tips&paged=2

When we were reviewing 10 of the best online resources for free books, we had a LOT of readers chime in with their own favorites as well.  Thank you for all your helpful contributions!

In fact, we had so many suggestions, we have enough to compile a huge list from them, so here they are in no particular order:

The items below were taken from my original Top 10 list with full reviews (here and here)

http://www.friedbeef.com/2007/04/02/top-10-best-places-to-get-free-books-part-1/

http://www.friedbeef.com/2007/04/05/top-10-best-places-to-get-free-books-part-2/

1. Gutenberg Project Top 100 - Popular books from the oldest producer of free ebooks on the Internet
2. BookMooch - Community for exchanging used books
3. ebookSpyder - Specializes in technical books ranging anywhere from C# to AJAX
4. Google Book Search - Read the classics online
5. Dwalin - plain text novels
6. Free Computer Books - Technical resources about computers
7. Librivox - Audio works and podcasts of books
8. CliffsNotes - Get the notes to cram for the exam
9. WIkibooks - Free textbooks
10. DailyLit - Receive small parts of books via email

 

Giz Explains: An Illustrated Guide to Every Stupid Cable You Need 

http://gizmodo.com/5030810/giz-explains-an-illustrated-guide-to-every-stupid-cable-you-need